Dear Deployment, I Hate You

First, the bad news.  I have been beyond stressed the past week or so.  DH has gotten screwed over time and time again by his CoC and I'm tired of it.  I'm tired of seeing him stress out, I'm tired of him getting no free time at all, I'm tired of him getting sick because they dont believe in giving anybody a break.  I'm tired of his CoC being sadistic asses (to put it nicely).  I know this all sounds pretty dramatic, but I promise I wouldn't make a big deal out of nothing.  I wish so much that I did not have any of this to worry about.  I wish more than anything that he was stationed elsewhere so he could live out his deployment at coffee shops and warm showers.  But that is just not the case…

Many husbands shield their spouses from all of this stress and worry.  They are essentially ignorant of the crap they live through and deal with on a daily basis, and I think that's perfectly fine.  Ignorance is bliss.  As much as I want to be DH's outlet and someone he can rant to, it's wearing on me.  I feel like I am shouldering his stress as well as mine.  The difference between his stress and mine is, I can't do anything about his stress.  

I feel so weak.  I'm supposed to be able to carry my stress and his.  I am supposed to be there to provide an outlet and emotional/ moral support, and I'm having a hard time doing that.  It's hard to be uplifting when you yourself don't feel very optimistic.  However, I'm trying to find things to be positive about to give me another boost.  Hopefully that will sustain me for the rest of the deployment.

None of this would be so bad if I wasn't already so stressed out about school.  In fact, I could handle one or the other.  School or DH.  Not both.  But I guess I can handle both because that's what I'm doing right now.  I can't say I'll be sane afterwards, but I'll survive.

Now for the good news.  We're over 50% done with this deployment, and I got a 92% on my Popular Music (Popular Music History, more like) quiz  =)

In the words of Robert Frost, "it goes on."